TRY ME

It's so hot in here
Then why am I so cold?
Everyone's smiling
Then why do I feel so much hate?
Everyone is nice to me
Then why do I feel so much anger?
Is it me that is so opposite?
Or I am the only one?
The one that can see through it?
The coldness behing the heat
The corruption behing the smiles
The jealousy behind the goodness
All is a plotting against everything
Waiting for the right moment to demolish
Everything that was built, all to finish
To shatter dreams
All to satisfy the beast inside
No, they are not fooling me
Can try to do everything to wreck me
But leave only with the gain of a bankruptcy
For the ones that underestimate me...
Why don't you try me...?

NOT ALIVE ANYMORE

Left alone again, all alone
Crying in this corner
Insecure and on my own
Disturbed and restless
Frightened to the bone
Dealing with a monster left unknown
Motionless as a stillborn
Tears are the only signs of life shown
Feeling so ripped and torn
I don't think I'm alive anymore...

Merry Christmas '07

I don't really celebrate this holiday, but what the heck...
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! =)

EITHER WAY

I am here again, on my own
Walking on the same path
Feeling the same wrath
I feel like I'm split in half
There is not a trace of laugh
But nor an incoming tear bath
Either way nothing is in my behalf
You do the math...

A Heroine to Save Us

We all need a hero to fix things when they go wrong, right? Guess this is my version of a hero... Kind of like the one in "Locking Up the Sun", huh? :D

Breakaway

I give you "Breakaway". I draw myself at this one. This drawing represents me and how I really feel inside. All dark within and independent on the outside; but truly, my hands are tied and I can't seem to find a way out. This pretty much summarizes it I guess.

WHAT I BELIEVE IN

Everything terrifies me, everything I feel in me
But the anger striking out overcomes the fear
I don't care from now on if everything caves in
I'll never stop supporting what I believe in
That is, I am who I am

I never got ashamed of what has become of me
It's the feedback that I'll get that scares me
But the fury in me beats the fear that's in
I'll never stop supporting what I believe in
That is; I am who I am

If you don't like it, you can go f*** yourself!
_______________________________
Sorry about the last part folks, I was dead angry when I wrote it and thought that was the most important part of all. Leaving it out would make the poem incomplete. No offence, this is for the ones that especially deserve it.

Alone on Prom Night

Here is a gothic girl, showing her anger against life with her facial expression, standing in a corner, alone on Prom Night... What else is there left to say?

Meet "Bad Seed Drawing"

I was spending some time on Paint yesterday and I realized that my drawings are really not perfect, but yet pretty nice. So I thought I start a site that I exhibit my drawings. (Kind of feels like I stole the idea from you PitJ, sorry about that. :D ) Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and check out my drawings at:

http://badseeddrawing.blogspot.com/

BloodRayne

I introduce you "BloodRayne". At least my version of her. She is a computer game character, a dhampir; child of a vampire father and a human mother, protecting humanity from all the supernatural threats that they can't deal with. I really like this game and I play it constantly. I was just spending some time on Microsoft Paint yesterday and this turned out. You can think that maybe she is falling from somewhere or walking on a thin line in a windy place; this is where your imagination kicks in. Thought the blades were a little rushed but I figured it was pretty good as a whole and thought I share it. Hope you like it.

BAD EMULATION

Stop it!
Stop saying it'll be all alright
That what's to come is better than this
That I'll overcome when I fight it
That's just bullshit!
Quote of people seeking a way out
Loaded with the hope of a better life
But I am forever stuck here
With my pain and recycling fear
Eagerly waiting for the end
To get the happiness I thought I deserved but never had
Don't say you understand me as if it's real!
Don't say that you know how I feel!
Encouraging me to a fight I could have never won
Have you ever really loved someone...?

MY LIFE

My nails are wet, so are my eyes
The result of my never ending cries
Me turning into what I despise
Left with no reason to devise
What will become of my life?

I feel I'm surrounded by spies
No trace of any left allies
Feels like all I do is compromise
I fear I will pay a heavy price
Will it be alright with my life?

I ache to the last cell that dies
I'm tired of hearing nothing but lies
And still I'm the one in disguise
I can't see any incoming prize
Can things be fixed in my life?

TELL ME

Tell me again
Tell me about the beautiful world
Where no trouble or sorrow awaits
Everyone is friendly and nice
Without bad intentions in heart
Tell me about the smiling faces
Eyes that look at you with love
Tell me
Tell me about real friendship
No manipulation or scheming involved
A reach of hand only for the sake of good
Tell me about caring
Always being there no matter what
Just to show you really care about
The ones that are there for you
And will be there forever
Tell me about true love
Ones that have half a dream
Because you are not there with them
Tell me
Tell me about being happy
Running around with joy within the soul
Popping out of the bed in the morning
To have another great day
Where sad thoughts are nothing
Tell me about sticking together
Tell me about that
Being there to make another feel better
And not avoiding them
Keeping every promise that is there
Tell me
Because I can't see any

ANGUISH

Every single tear that falls
Leaves a bigger scar on my soul
Trapping me behind these walls
Without a gain taking it's toll

No one is here to hear my voice
Giving me not another choice
But to ignore all the noise
And abandon all life's fake joys

All alone on the planet Earth
Where everything is losing it's worth
In my eyes not a drop of mirth
I curse the day of my birth

I DON'T BELIEVE

I don't believe
That what I see is the plain truth
This life I live
Is exploiting my youth

I don't believe
That tomorrow will be better
No matter how much I give
The pain becomes greater and greater

I don't believe
That things will change one day
Dark clouds won't ever leave
And haunt me until I waste away

I don't believe
Why can't I believe...?

D.N.R.

The angel of death is coming
I can feel it gain on me
When everything goes dark
I want it to remain that way
In stillness and numbness
Do not revive me

When the time comes
It's all going to go down
All hopes and expectations
Dreams and the worst fears
As everything demolishes, so will I
Do not resurrect me

I feel getting closer to there
Where nothing matters anymore
The absolute truth lies there
Where all the pain will be gone
I want to stay there
Do not resuscitate me

A Blissful Sleep

He’d been driving around under the rain for hours now. Walking out on a fight, leaving in the middle of it wasn’t really a perfect plan to solve the recurring problems, but this way he found the opportunity to clear his mind off things a bit. His cell phone was ringing, he knew it was Claire, his wife, calling worried sick about him but he didn’t seem to care much. He just wanted to get away from hearing her voice; which was a gentle, calming voice the first time they met. But now all it was doing was blaming him for all of the troubles they had and he was just sick of it. He knew he was trying his best, he knew that he did all he did to save his family from tearing apart. But it felt like Claire just couldn’t see that, couldn't see past her own problems hanging up in the air. He was trying to stay sharp and be understanding but now he just felt a burst in him, a great burst of anger coming out. He woke up out of his coma, his train of thoughts with a shout he heard.
“WOAH!”
He was startled with the yelling! Hit the breaks immediately to stop on time. Fortunately, he did.
“Watch where you are going Rupert! You almost run me over there sonny! Or was it the major plan...?”
The old man laughed, with the laugh came a big cough because of all the smoking he did for years.
“No, of course not Fred. I was just... well... distracted.”
A shadow fell over his face, a great sadness he felt inside because he couldn’t do anything to fix things no matter how hard he tried.
“Oh, you guys had a fight again, didn’t you? Explains why you are out here at a time like this”, said the old man looking at this watch. He saw the despondency in his eyes, his grin was faded away.
“Now son, I know you guys are going through some really tough times. But you have to hold on to each other to get through this challenging phase. Running away from your problems won’t help you work them out. Go back to your wife Rupert, she needs you more than ever now and you are out here, God knows since when driving around. Go back to her and tell her that things will be just fine. You’ll figure something out then, as long as you stick together you guys will manage, I know son. Now, go back to her.”
As Rupert was driving back home, he was thinking about what Fred said to him. God knows he wanted to work it out. But very few knew that Claire was the one causing most of the problems. He was trying to stand by her side to help her with her problems, but she was going around telling him that the only thing that would fix things was taking some time apart. He was starting to feel that hate again inside of him. He didn’t want to, he loved his wife so much but again he did. What Fred said to him made some particular things a bit clearer for him. “Stick together”, those were the words repeating inside of his head. He wanted to do that but Claire didn’t. Rupert suddenly felt a rising feeling inside of himself, the position of the situation seemed pretty accurate for the blaming to become mutual and that feeling scared him as hell.
As he was pulling to the driveway he realized there was light coming from the parlor. It was probably the fireplace. That would mean that Claire was still up. He took a deep breath and opened the front door of his house.
“FINALLY!” she said.
“I can’t believe you actually bothered to show up this early, I mean it’s only 3 AM in the morning!”
“Don’t you think I know that? I needed some time to think so back off, will you?!”
“There is nothing to think about...! It is done, I’ve made up my mind! This is where it en..”
“DON’T SAY THAT!”
Even he couldn’t believe how loud he got at a late time like that! Claire was speechless, she was just looking at him with cold eyes and standing before him.
“Just.... don’t...! I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to bed.”, said Rupert. Then he went straight to the stairs without even looking at her. She had seen how upset and angry he was but she preferred to ignore it; she always thought to herself that it would be easier this way. After walking around in the parlor for a few more minutes and putting out the fire, she went to bed as well.
Rupert got up with the sun rise in the morning to go to work. The sun was shining beautifully on this beautiful springs day and everything was so vivid. But Rupert didn’t feel good at all; it was all black and white for him. Claire was still sleeping when he was about to go out. He looked at her; she looked so peaceful in her sleep. That made him even more angry. He thought to himself:
“How can she lie there in so much bliss as she knows I’m falling apart?”
Then it occurred to him. Maybe the reason she didn’t no longer want to stay together was because she didn’t care about him anymore. That would mean that her love for him was over. That idea just crushed him even more. He didn’t know what more he could do... With this desperation he went out to his car. Took a last look at his home, which didn’t feel like a home anymore, and drove straight to work. Everyone was friendly with him as always at the firm but that day everything felt like mockery to him. So he stepped into his office with the goal of avoiding everyone as much as he can the whole day. Because then they would understand that something was wrong and start asking questions about it. And he was sure as hell he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, at least not then.
It felt like a cruel irony, being a divorce attorney that is on the verge of a divorce himself. He knew that he didn’t really fulfill his wife’s expectations; he wasn’t really happy with the idea of being a disappointment all the time. But he still did try. He really did care. But now, Claire didn’t anymore and he was completely out of ideas on what he could do to save his marriage. As he was lost in these thoughts his boss burst in:
“Good morning there Rupert!”
“Good morning sir....”
“I have a gentleman in my office, he is coming here in a sec, OK?”
“OK, sir...”
More divorces he had to handle... It was pretty easy to sign some papers and walk away with a pay check in one hand. He has been doing this for a living for years now and it was that day that he realized it’s not even close to being easy. The great possibility of becoming the person on the other side was just eating him up inside. He felt something inside of him that he never felt before: empathy... With this new feeling he hasn't experienced before, he welcomed his client inside.
“Welcome! I’m Rupert Grant. Please, have a seat.”
The man that walked inside didn’t seem like a gentleman at all. His dressing and attitude, those were the things Rupert wasn’t really fond of.
“Yeah... My wife wants to divorce...”
Rupert felt awful with these words, he felt like he said them himself.
“I’m so sorry, sir... I really understand what you are going through here and we will try our best to help you through this process.”
“Yeah, about that... I don’t really care about her, I just want to save my money in my bank account.”
Rupert was shocked! Without even knowing it he spilled these words out of his mouth:
“How can you say that?! She is your wife, she does everything for you, how can you let it go like that??! Money isn’t everything!!! Is that all you care about??!”
The client was pretty surprised with this unexpected attack... But he still seemed indifferent.
“Yeah, who cares?? I can always get me a new one that will cook, clean and stuff if I have my money!! So, you going to help me or what?”
Rupert became even angrier with this reply!
“NO!!!!”
Now, the client was shocked!
“What??! What the hell is your problem, dude?! If you’re not gonna help me out I’ll take my business elsewhere...!”
“FINE!”
Rupert was completely out of control! When he finally calmed down the client was long gone and half of the firm was looking strangely towards inside of his office, to him. Then his boss came in.
“What was that? I hope you have a good explanation for it...”
“I...”
“What?”
He couldn’t find anything to say! He was just standing there looking on the floor thinking of his beloved wife. He didn’t even care about what could have happened there if wrong words would come out of his mouth. But nothing did, he was just standing there like that. Then suddenly his eyes sparkled! He looked at inside of his boss’ eyes with a great confidence, one he didn’t have for a long time, and finished his sentence:
“...have to go!”
Then without even having waiting for a reaction from his boss, he just hurled himself out towards the door. Went straight to his car and drove straight to home! He wanted to give his wife an inspirational speech about him and his love for her. With the great hope of changing her mind about them, he went right inside of his house and started looking for her. But she was nowhere to be seen! After looking in every room in the house he went to the bedroom and only then realized the blue piece of paper standing right on the night stand. With curiosity and fear all curled up together, he started to read it. As he was reading that little piece of paper; with every line he read from of there, the light in his eyes was fading away a bit more. As he finished reading it, the light inside of his eyes was completely gone. Because she was long gone; as he was sitting there in his office trying to convince her to stay, she was already on her way to somewhere far away, leaving no trace behind, even a clue of her destination. He never thought it would end this way. He was just sitting there on the bed, looking at the goodbye letter Claire had written to him. It was the last sentence that truly killed him. “Don’t come looking for me, I don’t want to ever see you again.”
“Wow...”, he said. After sitting there for hours with nothing left inside of him, he went downstairs to the kitchen. So, when the day died that day, so did he... Right at that moment Claire felt as if a part of her was vanished away. A tear fell off from her eye and straight on the picture of their wedding day just on the seat next to hers inside her car, right on Rupert’s face, leaving that part of the picture all erased. She didn’t like that feeling but now she knew that she could never take it back. “I’m going to bed”, these words were the last words he said to her. She became aware of the situation. With tears and a sad smile on her face, she replied to her husband:
“Have a blissful sleep...”
____________________________________

I'm proud to present my very first written story ever! At least the first finished one, haha! I want to thank both PitJ and Ryan very much for encouraging me to writing a story, couldn't have done it without you fellas! And thanks to you for coming back to my site regularly! Hope you guys enjoy it!

THIS WAY

It feels good to be here today
Bad moments seem to be faded away
And things are going really OK
I hope it lasts this way

Today feels a lot more different
I felt I was actually efficient
The simplest thing makes my day
I hope it lasts this way

WHO I REALLY AM

In the middle of being me and someone else
I myself don't really care but nevertheless
It's hard to be misunderstood by everyone around me
Though the person I reflect is almost like me
But never entirely who I really am

Behind all of the smiling and joy I show
There is a miserable washed up little girl
I won't show, because I'll get all the pity
Don't want attention of people feeling sorry for me
That's why I hide who I really am

When someone who really gets me comes along
Then I'll let out who I really am

YOU

You're the sun in my sky
Always keeping me warm inside

You're the repeating song in my head
That won't ever come to an end

You're the light at the end of the tunnel
That relieves me, makes me feel better

You're everything that I am

You... I am nothing without you...

NO REASON TO BE

Sometimes it's hard to be sure
Is it the wrong path I'm following?
Or does it take a bit more waiting?
Either way, I don't like where this is going

I've lost track of all of the bliss in life
Even getting up in the morning is a torture
What happened to my joy feels like murder
Will it be OK, I can't help but wonder

Feels like I'm missing out on life
Or is this how it's supposed to be?
Life taking as much as it can from me
Left with nothing to show, no reason to be...

THE ONLY REASON

Why must the real be the surreal?
My bonds to life, everything I feel
The one that guides me through life
Things that help me sleep at night

Why is it all just an illusion?
Everything I thought I had
The melody stuck in my head
That won't ever come to an end

So, what's the reason of moving on?
If there isn't anything to hold on to
Guess this is where hope kicks in
Hope of everything that might have been

Don't ever let me lose it...

DIFFERENT

I'm so sick of killing myself inside
Thinking whether things'll be fine or not
Things that I'm condemned to live without
Drowning in my tears of fear and doubt

I changed my ways now, I'm different
Now I pretend that things are alright
This way maybe I'll change my fate
To the way I want it to turn out

Who knows?
Maybe it'll work out...

ALRIGHT TO DREAM

It's alright to dream
Happiness is great to feel
With the proper theme
It can almost be real

It's alright to dream
Coming true of things you lean against
An escape from the real life
And hope that won't go to waste

It's alright to dream
Ignoring things you've seen
Getting away from everything
And just get lost in a dream

It's alright to dream
Don't be afraid to do so
To run from all the scheming
When there's nowhere else to go

It's alright to dream...

QUICKSAND

I just sit here and look around
As I start to fall apart
And I realize that I'm the one
That no one really cared about

It didn't matter how hard I tried
It was never really enough
This is the moment I step aside
Let everything go and just give up

'Cause my life is like a quicksand
The more I struggle the deeper I sink
I no longer want to feel this bad
I rot inside as I think and think and think...

THE TRUTH BEHIND

With the sunlight everything is clear and bright
Butterflies' clapping makes everything seem alright
The laughter in the air and the joy around
I feel absolutely free, without a single bond

But after the day fades and birds stop singing
With the sound of rain and street lights' blinking
A sudden but deep fear falls right inside of me
That they'll never understand and I'll never be

Farewell, My Friend!

You guys probably don't know this but I had a turtle until yesterday. Yesterday, because my bro let it go to the sea while I was in school... We had it for so long and lately it seemed depressed, tired and stopped eating it's bait. So, we thought that it was time to let it go to where it really belongs. My bro said that the second he let it go to the shore it ran towards the sea, then came back, took a last look at him as if it was saying "thanks, goodbye" and vanish into the water. Oh, how I felt like crying when I pictured that moment in my head... This post is for the memory of it; farewell, my friend!

SAME SPOT

Here I go again
Walking on the same lane
Trying to find my way
Push every thought away

I'm getting dizzy again
Everything feels so lame
I feel that I've ended up
Once again, on the same spot

Advices on Life II

• Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
• Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
• Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
• Don't let life slip through your fingers by living in the past, or living for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you have ALL the days of your life.
• Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
• Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
• Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
• Don't shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
• The quickest way to receive love is to give it, the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tight; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
• Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going.
• Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
• Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
• Don't use time, or words, carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
• Life is not a race; rather, it is a journey to be savored each step of the way.
• Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, and that is why we call it The Present.

I got these from a website. Real awesome words, even better than the ones I posted here before. Enjoy!

Ten Things to Do

1. CHANGE A LIGHT: Replacing one regular light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb will save 150 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
2. DRIVE LESS: Walk, bike, carpool or take mass transit more often. You'll save one pound of carbon dioxide for every mile you don't drive!
3. RECYCLE MORE: You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide per year by recycling just half of your household waste.
4. CHECK YOUR TIRES: Keeping your tires inflated properly can improve gas mileage by more than 3%. Every gallon of gasoline saved keeps 20 pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere!
5. USE LESS HOT WATER: It takes a lot of energy to heat water. Use less hot water by installing a low flow shower head (350 pounds of CO2 saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year).
6. AVOID PRODUCTS WITH A LOT OF PACKAGING: You can save 1,200 pounds of carbon dioxide if you cut down your garbage by 10%.
7. ADJUST YOUR THERMOSTAT: Moving your thermostat just 2 degrees in winter and up 2 degrees in summer. You could save about 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple adjustment.
8. PLANT A TREE: A single tree will absorb one ton of carbon dioxide over it's lifetime.
9. TURN OFF ELECTRONIC DEVICES: Simply turning off your television, DVD player, stereo, and computer when you're not using them will save you thousands of pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
10. SPREAD THE WORD: Let everyone around you know about what they can do!
    

I got these from the Myspace page of "An Inconvenient Truth" a long time ago. Been going through some old documents on my LT and I saw these. Thought I share them with you, since Global Warming is one of the most impornant issues of today. Let's take action people, now! You can find more info about this here.

Cool or Just Strange?

I had a dream last night, the moment I woke up I thought it was the coolest! But now I think it was just weird... You decide:

I was in school and the kids were talking about some new teacher coming to teach at some Friday class. Guess who the teacher is...? It's CAPTAIN! I know, very surprised myself :P The odd thing was, the lecture took place in the hallway of our apartment! I saw Captain pass by me and head to the bathroom, yes, our bathroom! Then he started to shave without using any foam... He saw me, I smiled, he smiled... WEIRD, I know. Then the dream became even weirder! YES, what I wait for! Poets of the Fall in Turkey! Me at the concert area, with my Nokia 6131 in my hand, waiting for the concert to start. Captain sitting on the stage, no trace of the other band members... Then I get bored and suddenly decide to wander around. At that moment, I get a sudden urge to find Marko! A classmate of mine leads me to somewhere where I might find him (have no idea what she is doing there and how she knows that???). The odd thing is, the building I enter is my elementary school building but when I get inside it gets enormous! Then I start to run, looking everywhere for him! I pass through so many places, enter VIP sections (no control btw, I just burst in??), and finally find a place called a "Band Practice Room"??? Some bands there, practicing with their drummers and guitarists and stuff. I remember hearing Muse too btw, have no idea what they got to do with that?? Then I suddenly see this guy and I ask him where I might find Marko. Strange thing is I ask him like: "Do you know where I might find Saaresto, Marko Saaresto?" I'm speaking English btw... Totally stupid! :P Then a woman comes, they look for him, call him and stuff. Later they tell me that they cant reach him because they mixed some lines up and I'm still very lucky to be there???? In a sec, I panic! I'm like: "OMG, what if the concert is starting without me!!??" I run back, forget all about finding Marko btw... I get back to the concert area and still no one else on stage but Captain... And he was smoking I think, I don't even know if he smokes in real life. Then suddenly I find myself in some dark, foggy alley (the dream becomes black&white btw). I see Marko just for a moment, standing against a wall with some Léon glasses on, then he suddenly disappears! After that I remember seeing Ollie, I try to take his pic and he just starts to run away afraid of the photo flash (my phone doesn't even have a flash btw)!!! Ha ha! Running scared! And I yell behind him something like: "Don't be afraid, I just want to take a photo!", still talking English btw!?? That moment I woke up!

I don't think I've never dreamt of something that I remember this crystal clear before ! Freaky, huh? Pretty stupid too! I normally wouldn't post a dream I had here, but I thought "What the Heck!" on this one, since this is the very first dream I've had involving Poets of the Fall! Ha ha! :D :P

A New Project

Me and our very own Poet in the Jar are working on a project together! It's brand new, so it's going to take some time before we can get into details about it. But patience people! It's going to be cool, at least we think so...

TRULY HAPPY

I realized something today
A fact about you and life
No matter what I'll have
It's gonna make me smile
But fade away the next day
I'll feel happy for a moment
And sad again the next
'Cause they can give me anything
But without you in my arms
I'll never be truly happy

It's indeed hard living with this
But I'll wake up the next day
And keep on living without you
Because I still have the hope
That you'll show at my door
And make me feel alive again
It's only a dream though
Knowing it'll never come true
Makes me feel this fact that
I'll never be truly happy

Guitar Madness

Okay, I've never really mentioned it here before, but I've been wanting to get me a guitar for so long! And I finally got one, yay! It's been four days now but I think I'm pretty good at it, though I've got blisters on me fingers now, haha! :D I'm so happy right now!!!!! :D :D Hehe... :P

SINCE

If I don't love you
It's not my fault, it's yours
If I don't respect you
It's not my fault, it's still yours
Have you ever stopped and considered
What you have done to the joy...?
To our loving hearts...?
Do you remember how you treated us
At the time we needed love the most...?
I know, it won't change a thing
No matter what I say
You'll still be who you are
And never light up our day
Know this though...
I come to this place once called home
Because I have nowhere else to go
When that day comes
I'll walk away without looking back
And never come back
Until you rust away
In your dark corner
Since, this is the way
You deserve it to be over.

WOULD IT?

Would it matter,
If I told you I loved you...?
And will always be there
Would it change a thing...?
Anyone else but you,
Will be contenting myself with someone,
Would it freak you out,
Push you away from me...?
It's all truth I talk
Nothing can change this
All I ask for in return
Is your love, nothing else
You're my whole world anyway
I don't need anything else
If I would tell you these
Would it bring you closer to me...?
All I need is a glimpse of possibility
It would make me smile again
Because, you are worthed
I'll wait forever if I have to
As long as you may love me too
Would it make a difference...?
Would it...?

HELP

This lecture is killing me
I'm bleeding on the inside
This teacher has no mercy
Knowledge comes in like a tide

I can't breathe anymore
Time just doesn't pass by
I've grown so weary
I think now, I'm gonna die
____________________________
I wrote this one today, during my differential equations class. Pretty immature; I know, but what the heck :P Guess I got my inspiration back!!! :D

Advices On Life

• Always remember that big loves and big investments come along with great risks.
• When you lose something, don't lose the lesson you learned with that as well.
• Always live with these three things: respect, for yourself; respect, for others; and responsibility; for all of your behaviors.
• Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is great luck.
• Learn the rules well so you can violate them the right way.
• Don't let an insignificant thing damage your friendship.
• When you realize that you made a mistake, immediately take action to fix it.
• Spend some time on your own.
• Be open to new things, but don't let them lose your values.
• Remember that sometimes silence is the best answer there is.

I translated these to English myself, so excuse me if I made some mistakes. These advices were on a board in my school, they really made me feel better. So, I wanted you guys to see these too.

My New School

Hello Visitors!
First of all I want to thank you for visiting my poetry site. As you can see I wasn't really creative these days. So, I thought I could keep you guys busy with some other stuff until I can write something again.
Well, you probably know that I transferred to a new school this year, I want to show you what it looks like... :

This is the place I go to school everyday. The Faculty of Agriculture building of Akdeniz University.

This is my bus-stop, where I get on and off the bus. I wanted to show you this too because well, it's one of the places that I spend my time the most... Since, the buses don't bother to show up very often.

Another pic from the campus. Some kind of a brigde.

Me... Hehe...

Another one in the campus. This trail leads to the restaurants, book-shops and stuff in the campus. Pretty neat, huh...? :)

The Rectorate building. I think it looks cool.

Well, this is it for now. Thanks... Come again!

SADLY

I wish one day I could love someone that would love me back
Or someone would love me that I actually might love back
Guess we're living in a world somethings are not meant to be
It is true, sadly...

JADED

I've run out of the energy
The strength of moving on
I was a lot more optimistic than this
But now that old me is gone

With the sunrise everything cleared
Lifes true colors suddenly appeared
At that moment, when the most I needed it
Noone was there, so I became jaded

At that moment, I stopped caring
Ignored the fire that was flaring
But life already took a lot from me
Yeah, I guess it's too late for me...

Oh well...

BECAUSE I KNOW

A new chapter in my life is beginning
I'm not afraid though it's terrifying
Because I know if I don't let go
Things will turn out the way I want 'em to so

I'm in a new place that I don't know of
But I'm trying not to keep my expectations low
Because I know if I try to do my best
I'll eventually manage to fit in with the rest
__________________________________
I've transferred to another school this year and I don't know anyone around me. Guess I wanted to comfort myself a bit when I wrote it.

FIT IN

I got the news off guard today
The smile on my face was washed away
But I thought, I'm a human-being
There is no situation we can't fit in
_____________________________
I wrote this one today, when I found out that my school's opening this week instead of the next. Damn it!

THINGS'LL BE JUST FINE

Woke up with a collapse this morning
And not familiar with the path I'm following
But at night I see the stars are glowing
That's how I know things'll be just fine

Don't know of the language I'm speaking
Don't understand the voices I'm hearing
But I see the sun is brightly shining
That's how I know thing'll be just fine

Don't recognise the faces I'm seeing
Don't know of the point that I'm standing
But I see the picture that you're smiling
That's how I know things'll be just fine

As long as you are here and mine
Things'll be just fine...

SAVE ME

In this dark corner I seek
Someone to lead
Me out of this place
Into somewhere full of mercy and grace

I've run out on a limb
In this world named thing
I've only got one hope now
For someone to save me somehow

We'll see
If someone will save me...

ALONE IN TIME

Every 24 hours of my life
Just slip away out of my hands
Invisible to see as it passes by
Impossible to stop it from passing so fast

In the depths of the endless darkness
Distant voices and mindless violence
I feel more and more alone
With the unbreakable silence

MY PAIN

The fickle air conditions are here
The darkening rains are near
Though I may seem happy
I'm sad, don't be surprised with me

The rains were here throughout the day
Don't expect the rainbow to show at bay
Because the sun is crying with the rain
It may not appear because of the pain

If the sun is me and rain my tears
Rainbow my joy, along with my fears
It seems like a possibility so far
But maybe you'll understand who you are...?

IF I WASN'T

I think of all the painful ends I've planned for you
I want to choke you
Seeing from your eyes that you're wasting away
Your silent struggling will satisfy me
And then you'll be gone
I won't do that
But I would if I wasn't still in love with you

I think of all the painful ends I've planned for you
I want to push you in front of a car
Seeing from your eyes that you are afraid
Your fear will satisfy me
And then, crash!
I won't do that
But I would if I wasn't still in love with you

I think of all the painful ends I've planned for you
I want to slice you
Seeing from your eyes that you are suffering
Your pain will satisfy me
And then blood everywhere
I won't do that
But I would if I wasn't still in love with you

I think of all the painful ends I've planned for you
I want to push you off a cliff
Seeing from your eyes that you know the end is near
Your screams will satisfy me
And then, splat!
I won't do that
But I would if I wasn't still in love with you

Yeah, you see,
That's what you did to me
And you still don't care!
I'd get back at you
Only if I wasn't still in love with you!

But that day will come...

PLEASE...

Please...
If it's cloudly, don't push it
It might rain
And when it does rain
Please...
Let the sun shine
It's mandatory for the rainbow to appear again
If it's windy
Please...
Walk in that direction
If it's draught
Just a bit of affection
And it will be all bright and still again

IT WAS NEVER THERE

I've been wandering in the house for hours
Building up the courage to call it home
But I can't, it was never there
Guess it was home sweet hell all along

I've been thinking about the jolly times we once had
To feel that good old happiness again
Now I see that it was all fake
Thinking we were happy once was a mistake

THE BLACK EMPTINESS

The black emptiness that I am in
By days passing, grows more and more
Every single time that I walk in
It gets even harder to find the door

At night the moon, at day the sun shines
It's never really dark in our lives
But no matter how bright the light is
It's never enough to dominate my darkness

The voices that I hear in my head
Remind me of what I've once had
I don't listen despite them being kind
Because I have already lost my mind

The shadow that follows you
Is only as big as you
But my shadow is a lot bigger than me
Maybe this originates from the darkness in me...?

WASTE

Millions of things I wanna do
But can't because I don't have the chance
Lots of places I wanna go
But can't because I don't have the time
A shame really...
What a waste of life...

THANK YOU

Think of a cloudy day
It's all dark even in noon
The weather that makes you sad
When I feel like that inside
You are the shining sun showing itself beyond the clouds
You are the one that makes me feel good again
So,
Thank you

Think of a rainy day
The weather that blackens you inside
The weather of dark thoughts
When I feel that way inside
You are the rainbow glowing after the rain
You are the one that makes me feel colorful again
So,
Thank you

For giving me a reason to live
Thank you

WHAT'S THE POINT?

What's the point of dreaming?
It'll be gone when I wake up
What's the point of wishing?
It's never gonna come true
What's the point of living?
I'm never gonna have you

MY LOVE

I'd give it all for you
But considering I have nothing
You're stuck with my love
Sorry...

NO REGRET

If I feel an emptiness inside of me
It's because of your absence
If I feel pain inside of me
It's because of your sadness
And if I feel no regret in me
It's because I love you...

LOST

In a dark alley I walk straight ahead
For my dream to come true
And worst nightmare to end
And it all blurs again
As I start to understand

I LOVE YOU

I've been wanting to tell you this for so long
But I've lost my last chance to tell you
Though I know that now, you are gone
I still have the hope that I'll see you

YOU & ME

The autumn winds start to blow again
Oh, how nice it is to see it rain
You are those winds that cause my pain
And I'm the rain, calling out your name

The sun shines more brightly than normal today
Until the dark clouds cause it to fade away
You are the clouds that suffocate me
And I'm the sun, still loving you carelessly

The rain stops, here's the rainbow
The clouds are gone, sun is bright as snow
In the end we realize it together
It'll be just you and me, forever and ever...

WITHOUT YOU

Everyday starts and ends alone
Without this dream of mine coming true
You saying that it's alright, you're here with me
And one day it will end with me, but
Without you

Every minute is an eternity
Every word is your name
Every breath is your voice
And every tear is me
Without you

Everyday millions of ideas come and go
Billions of people go here to there
Anonymous and with no faces
I am one of them as long as I am
Without you

And someday if I waste away
I'll know that you won't know
And if my love kills me one day
I will go slowly and unhappy
Without you

I WAIT FOR YOU

I'm having one of those days again
I feel the need of getting away
But I don't want to leave without you
So I just sit tight and wait for you

I'm having one of those days again
I want to run around in the rain
But I don't want to do it without you
So you can join me, I wait for you

I'm having one of those days again
All depressed and feel like crying
But I don't want to feel like that without you
For you to comfort me, I wait for you

I'm having one of those days again
Desperately dreaming of you
But I still know I'm without you
Despite of it, I'll never give up
And forever wait for you

I'M SORRY

I'm so sorry
It was a weak moment for me
When I found out you weren't coming
I just fell apart and lost myself
And the knife was just by myside
I'm sorry
Good thing is, I'm not in any pain
My need for you hurts more
So I don't feel it

But I feel so empty inside
Not because I'm bleeding
It's because you're not here with me
And you'll never be

I'm so sorry
It was a weak moment for me
When I finally faced the truth
I couldn't think of anything
I just wanted to hurt myself
The pain could have hid your absence
I'm sorry
It didn't, if I wasn't the one who caused it
I never would have noticed it

I die slowly as I lay on the floor
Not because I'm mortally wounded
It's because you're not here with me
And you'll never be

I'm sorry...