UNTITLED

I could have been very happy right now
But universe chose to make me miserable
By giving me my share of disappointments too much
Showing me ending up with tears is inevitable

I could have been laughing right now
To that same old joke that gets me every time
But how upsetting news come in in a row
It's funny really, I feel left without a dime

I could have been dreaming right now
But everything going on took my sleep away
I will not force myself to, I've had enough
I don't wanna cry myself to sleep anyway

I could have had a smile on my face right now
Thinking of all the great things that will happen
But they got crashed and burned again, as usual
Once again I've been shown that I can never win

For thinking things can change
I have only myself to blame
_________________________________________

The Story of My Life... First the Finland thing, now this... The Sweden trip is off too, people. After looking up all the necessities for getting a visa, I realized that all the expenses that I will have to make, even without the plane ticket, is just too much for us and we can't afford it. It was so stupid of me to think that I can actually do it, go to Sverige. Things are awful, but the thing that hurt me the most is that I managed to disappoint Beccy big time about this. She was looking forward to this as hell, I know. As if it wasn't enough fooling myself, I got her hopes sky high too. It wouldn't be enough no matter how much sorry I got. Dammit. Feels like all I do these days is disappoint everyone. My family, my friends... Especially myself. I mean, what happened? Things were going great... Everything was in order and then... boom. I can only have myself to blame I guess. What was I thinking? It was too good to be true from the beginning. My sadness, my own fault. My own problem to deal with. But still... dammit.