ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Left alone inside the night with guilt and fear
Yet I can't even seem to spare a single tear
Everyone feels so distant though they're right here
I'm having one of those days again
Don't come near

So late at night yet I can not sleep
The pain I feel right now is so deep
Life gives me promises it can't keep
I'm having one of those days again
I feel like a creep

I close my eyes and start to dream away
To places I will never find my way
I still have a lot of debt to pay
I'm having one of those days again
I wander astray

Things could be so different right now
I wouldn't be questioning the why and how
But destroying me is pretty much life's vow
I'm having one of those days again
And I'll just say wow...

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream last night
My dreams were coming true
Moving onto pink from blue
Happiness more than I ever knew

I had a dream last night
Everything was in a six-pack
I was on the right track
My real self had come back

I had a dream last night
Things were just alright
I was happy, my future was bright
I had what was my right

Then I woke up...

BURNT WIRES

I got all my wires burnt
Got disconnected from the real world
Forgot everything I've learnt
To make the same mistakes again

I got all my wires burnt
Couldn't understand anything I've heard
To forget just how much it hurt
And live everything all over again

I got all my wires burnt
Now everything feels absurd
Left in the middle without a word
Never to be the same again

WHO ARE YOU?

Who are you to tell me who I am?
As even I don't know where I stand
As if I'm taking the ultimate exam
About a subject I don't even understand

Who are you to tell me who I am?
Even as I'm confused as hell
It's like the ultimate race in my life began
And where I must go, I can't even tell

NO DIFFERENCE

I just broke my life
Now I can't find a way to fix it
No matter what it is that I plan
Somehow I manage to jinx it
This could all be a bad dream though
I don't know, I always mix it
No difference, life sucks either way

YOUR WAY

You never intended to let me go
Then why didn't you say so?
Why did you let my hopes go on a flow?

You always knew it wasn't gonna work
Then why did you wait till now?
After I got on the cloud nine

You knew this was gonna happen
Why did you stay quiet anyway?
You wrecked a world today

You saw how joyous I grew
Why didn't you say something at the beginning?
No, wait...! I forgot!
This is your way
And tearing my world apart
It's your thing...
Sorry for not remembering

UNTITLED

I could have been very happy right now
But universe chose to make me miserable
By giving me my share of disappointments too much
Showing me ending up with tears is inevitable

I could have been laughing right now
To that same old joke that gets me every time
But how upsetting news come in in a row
It's funny really, I feel left without a dime

I could have been dreaming right now
But everything going on took my sleep away
I will not force myself to, I've had enough
I don't wanna cry myself to sleep anyway

I could have had a smile on my face right now
Thinking of all the great things that will happen
But they got crashed and burned again, as usual
Once again I've been shown that I can never win

For thinking things can change
I have only myself to blame
_________________________________________

The Story of My Life... First the Finland thing, now this... The Sweden trip is off too, people. After looking up all the necessities for getting a visa, I realized that all the expenses that I will have to make, even without the plane ticket, is just too much for us and we can't afford it. It was so stupid of me to think that I can actually do it, go to Sverige. Things are awful, but the thing that hurt me the most is that I managed to disappoint Beccy big time about this. She was looking forward to this as hell, I know. As if it wasn't enough fooling myself, I got her hopes sky high too. It wouldn't be enough no matter how much sorry I got. Dammit. Feels like all I do these days is disappoint everyone. My family, my friends... Especially myself. I mean, what happened? Things were going great... Everything was in order and then... boom. I can only have myself to blame I guess. What was I thinking? It was too good to be true from the beginning. My sadness, my own fault. My own problem to deal with. But still... dammit.

NO MATTER

No matter how hard I'll try to get away
I'll be condemned to tread this ground

No matter how much I want out
I'll be forced to stick around

No matter how much I dream
I'll be still here, singing the same old song

No matter how much I push myself
I will never be able to feel strong

No matter how fast I run
There is no way out, roads are too long

No matter how much I believe
Everything I stand for will keep turning up wrong

No matter how much I don't feel like it
This is where I belong

No matter how much I need it
No one is here to mourn along

It just occurs to me
Things will never change
No matter what

WHAT IS IT ABOUT LIFE?

What is it about life?
That claims to give you everything
And leaving you with nothing
Is it just random reality
Or selection of things worthy

What is it about life?
That takes your hopes up sky high
And then leaving you with a sigh
Is it merely personal hate
Or avoidance of things we'll later regret

What is it about life?
First reflects the mirror inside of you
Only to smash it later...
And wound you with its pieces too
Is it a cruel irony?
Or just life maybe...