The angel of death is coming
I can feel it gain on me
When everything goes dark
I want it to remain that way
In stillness and numbness
Do not revive me
When the time comes
It's all going to go down
All hopes and expectations
Dreams and the worst fears
As everything demolishes, so will I
Do not resurrect me
I feel getting closer to there
Where nothing matters anymore
The absolute truth lies there
Where all the pain will be gone
I want to stay there
Do not resuscitate me
Monday, November 26, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
A Blissful Sleep
He’d been driving around under the rain for hours now. Walking out on a fight, leaving in the middle of it wasn’t really a perfect plan to solve the recurring problems, but this way he found the opportunity to clear his mind off things a bit. His cell phone was ringing, he knew it was Claire, his wife, calling worried sick about him but he didn’t seem to care much. He just wanted to get away from hearing her voice; which was a gentle, calming voice the first time they met. But now all it was doing was blaming him for all of the troubles they had and he was just sick of it. He knew he was trying his best, he knew that he did all he did to save his family from tearing apart. But it felt like Claire just couldn’t see that, couldn't see past her own problems hanging up in the air. He was trying to stay sharp and be understanding but now he just felt a burst in him, a great burst of anger coming out. He woke up out of his coma, his train of thoughts with a shout he heard.
“WOAH!”
He was startled with the yelling! Hit the breaks immediately to stop on time. Fortunately, he did.
“Watch where you are going Rupert! You almost run me over there sonny! Or was it the major plan...?”
The old man laughed, with the laugh came a big cough because of all the smoking he did for years.
“No, of course not Fred. I was just... well... distracted.”
A shadow fell over his face, a great sadness he felt inside because he couldn’t do anything to fix things no matter how hard he tried.
“Oh, you guys had a fight again, didn’t you? Explains why you are out here at a time like this”, said the old man looking at this watch. He saw the despondency in his eyes, his grin was faded away.
“Now son, I know you guys are going through some really tough times. But you have to hold on to each other to get through this challenging phase. Running away from your problems won’t help you work them out. Go back to your wife Rupert, she needs you more than ever now and you are out here, God knows since when driving around. Go back to her and tell her that things will be just fine. You’ll figure something out then, as long as you stick together you guys will manage, I know son. Now, go back to her.”
As Rupert was driving back home, he was thinking about what Fred said to him. God knows he wanted to work it out. But very few knew that Claire was the one causing most of the problems. He was trying to stand by her side to help her with her problems, but she was going around telling him that the only thing that would fix things was taking some time apart. He was starting to feel that hate again inside of him. He didn’t want to, he loved his wife so much but again he did. What Fred said to him made some particular things a bit clearer for him. “Stick together”, those were the words repeating inside of his head. He wanted to do that but Claire didn’t. Rupert suddenly felt a rising feeling inside of himself, the position of the situation seemed pretty accurate for the blaming to become mutual and that feeling scared him as hell.
As he was pulling to the driveway he realized there was light coming from the parlor. It was probably the fireplace. That would mean that Claire was still up. He took a deep breath and opened the front door of his house.
“FINALLY!” she said.
“I can’t believe you actually bothered to show up this early, I mean it’s only 3 AM in the morning!”
“Don’t you think I know that? I needed some time to think so back off, will you?!”
“There is nothing to think about...! It is done, I’ve made up my mind! This is where it en..”
“DON’T SAY THAT!”
Even he couldn’t believe how loud he got at a late time like that! Claire was speechless, she was just looking at him with cold eyes and standing before him.
“Just.... don’t...! I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to bed.”, said Rupert. Then he went straight to the stairs without even looking at her. She had seen how upset and angry he was but she preferred to ignore it; she always thought to herself that it would be easier this way. After walking around in the parlor for a few more minutes and putting out the fire, she went to bed as well.
Rupert got up with the sun rise in the morning to go to work. The sun was shining beautifully on this beautiful springs day and everything was so vivid. But Rupert didn’t feel good at all; it was all black and white for him. Claire was still sleeping when he was about to go out. He looked at her; she looked so peaceful in her sleep. That made him even more angry. He thought to himself:
“How can she lie there in so much bliss as she knows I’m falling apart?”
Then it occurred to him. Maybe the reason she didn’t no longer want to stay together was because she didn’t care about him anymore. That would mean that her love for him was over. That idea just crushed him even more. He didn’t know what more he could do... With this desperation he went out to his car. Took a last look at his home, which didn’t feel like a home anymore, and drove straight to work. Everyone was friendly with him as always at the firm but that day everything felt like mockery to him. So he stepped into his office with the goal of avoiding everyone as much as he can the whole day. Because then they would understand that something was wrong and start asking questions about it. And he was sure as hell he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, at least not then.
It felt like a cruel irony, being a divorce attorney that is on the verge of a divorce himself. He knew that he didn’t really fulfill his wife’s expectations; he wasn’t really happy with the idea of being a disappointment all the time. But he still did try. He really did care. But now, Claire didn’t anymore and he was completely out of ideas on what he could do to save his marriage. As he was lost in these thoughts his boss burst in:
“Good morning there Rupert!”
“Good morning sir....”
“I have a gentleman in my office, he is coming here in a sec, OK?”
“OK, sir...”
More divorces he had to handle... It was pretty easy to sign some papers and walk away with a pay check in one hand. He has been doing this for a living for years now and it was that day that he realized it’s not even close to being easy. The great possibility of becoming the person on the other side was just eating him up inside. He felt something inside of him that he never felt before: empathy... With this new feeling he hasn't experienced before, he welcomed his client inside.
“Welcome! I’m Rupert Grant. Please, have a seat.”
The man that walked inside didn’t seem like a gentleman at all. His dressing and attitude, those were the things Rupert wasn’t really fond of.
“Yeah... My wife wants to divorce...”
Rupert felt awful with these words, he felt like he said them himself.
“I’m so sorry, sir... I really understand what you are going through here and we will try our best to help you through this process.”
“Yeah, about that... I don’t really care about her, I just want to save my money in my bank account.”
Rupert was shocked! Without even knowing it he spilled these words out of his mouth:
“How can you say that?! She is your wife, she does everything for you, how can you let it go like that??! Money isn’t everything!!! Is that all you care about??!”
The client was pretty surprised with this unexpected attack... But he still seemed indifferent.
“Yeah, who cares?? I can always get me a new one that will cook, clean and stuff if I have my money!! So, you going to help me or what?”
Rupert became even angrier with this reply!
“NO!!!!”
Now, the client was shocked!
“What??! What the hell is your problem, dude?! If you’re not gonna help me out I’ll take my business elsewhere...!”
“FINE!”
Rupert was completely out of control! When he finally calmed down the client was long gone and half of the firm was looking strangely towards inside of his office, to him. Then his boss came in.
“What was that? I hope you have a good explanation for it...”
“I...”
“What?”
He couldn’t find anything to say! He was just standing there looking on the floor thinking of his beloved wife. He didn’t even care about what could have happened there if wrong words would come out of his mouth. But nothing did, he was just standing there like that. Then suddenly his eyes sparkled! He looked at inside of his boss’ eyes with a great confidence, one he didn’t have for a long time, and finished his sentence:
“...have to go!”
Then without even having waiting for a reaction from his boss, he just hurled himself out towards the door. Went straight to his car and drove straight to home! He wanted to give his wife an inspirational speech about him and his love for her. With the great hope of changing her mind about them, he went right inside of his house and started looking for her. But she was nowhere to be seen! After looking in every room in the house he went to the bedroom and only then realized the blue piece of paper standing right on the night stand. With curiosity and fear all curled up together, he started to read it. As he was reading that little piece of paper; with every line he read from of there, the light in his eyes was fading away a bit more. As he finished reading it, the light inside of his eyes was completely gone. Because she was long gone; as he was sitting there in his office trying to convince her to stay, she was already on her way to somewhere far away, leaving no trace behind, even a clue of her destination. He never thought it would end this way. He was just sitting there on the bed, looking at the goodbye letter Claire had written to him. It was the last sentence that truly killed him. “Don’t come looking for me, I don’t want to ever see you again.”
“Wow...”, he said. After sitting there for hours with nothing left inside of him, he went downstairs to the kitchen. So, when the day died that day, so did he... Right at that moment Claire felt as if a part of her was vanished away. A tear fell off from her eye and straight on the picture of their wedding day just on the seat next to hers inside her car, right on Rupert’s face, leaving that part of the picture all erased. She didn’t like that feeling but now she knew that she could never take it back. “I’m going to bed”, these words were the last words he said to her. She became aware of the situation. With tears and a sad smile on her face, she replied to her husband:
“Have a blissful sleep...”
____________________________________
I'm proud to present my very first written story ever! At least the first finished one, haha! I want to thank both PitJ and Ryan very much for encouraging me to writing a story, couldn't have done it without you fellas! And thanks to you for coming back to my site regularly! Hope you guys enjoy it!
“WOAH!”
He was startled with the yelling! Hit the breaks immediately to stop on time. Fortunately, he did.
“Watch where you are going Rupert! You almost run me over there sonny! Or was it the major plan...?”
The old man laughed, with the laugh came a big cough because of all the smoking he did for years.
“No, of course not Fred. I was just... well... distracted.”
A shadow fell over his face, a great sadness he felt inside because he couldn’t do anything to fix things no matter how hard he tried.
“Oh, you guys had a fight again, didn’t you? Explains why you are out here at a time like this”, said the old man looking at this watch. He saw the despondency in his eyes, his grin was faded away.
“Now son, I know you guys are going through some really tough times. But you have to hold on to each other to get through this challenging phase. Running away from your problems won’t help you work them out. Go back to your wife Rupert, she needs you more than ever now and you are out here, God knows since when driving around. Go back to her and tell her that things will be just fine. You’ll figure something out then, as long as you stick together you guys will manage, I know son. Now, go back to her.”
As Rupert was driving back home, he was thinking about what Fred said to him. God knows he wanted to work it out. But very few knew that Claire was the one causing most of the problems. He was trying to stand by her side to help her with her problems, but she was going around telling him that the only thing that would fix things was taking some time apart. He was starting to feel that hate again inside of him. He didn’t want to, he loved his wife so much but again he did. What Fred said to him made some particular things a bit clearer for him. “Stick together”, those were the words repeating inside of his head. He wanted to do that but Claire didn’t. Rupert suddenly felt a rising feeling inside of himself, the position of the situation seemed pretty accurate for the blaming to become mutual and that feeling scared him as hell.
As he was pulling to the driveway he realized there was light coming from the parlor. It was probably the fireplace. That would mean that Claire was still up. He took a deep breath and opened the front door of his house.
“FINALLY!” she said.
“I can’t believe you actually bothered to show up this early, I mean it’s only 3 AM in the morning!”
“Don’t you think I know that? I needed some time to think so back off, will you?!”
“There is nothing to think about...! It is done, I’ve made up my mind! This is where it en..”
“DON’T SAY THAT!”
Even he couldn’t believe how loud he got at a late time like that! Claire was speechless, she was just looking at him with cold eyes and standing before him.
“Just.... don’t...! I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to bed.”, said Rupert. Then he went straight to the stairs without even looking at her. She had seen how upset and angry he was but she preferred to ignore it; she always thought to herself that it would be easier this way. After walking around in the parlor for a few more minutes and putting out the fire, she went to bed as well.
Rupert got up with the sun rise in the morning to go to work. The sun was shining beautifully on this beautiful springs day and everything was so vivid. But Rupert didn’t feel good at all; it was all black and white for him. Claire was still sleeping when he was about to go out. He looked at her; she looked so peaceful in her sleep. That made him even more angry. He thought to himself:
“How can she lie there in so much bliss as she knows I’m falling apart?”
Then it occurred to him. Maybe the reason she didn’t no longer want to stay together was because she didn’t care about him anymore. That would mean that her love for him was over. That idea just crushed him even more. He didn’t know what more he could do... With this desperation he went out to his car. Took a last look at his home, which didn’t feel like a home anymore, and drove straight to work. Everyone was friendly with him as always at the firm but that day everything felt like mockery to him. So he stepped into his office with the goal of avoiding everyone as much as he can the whole day. Because then they would understand that something was wrong and start asking questions about it. And he was sure as hell he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, at least not then.
It felt like a cruel irony, being a divorce attorney that is on the verge of a divorce himself. He knew that he didn’t really fulfill his wife’s expectations; he wasn’t really happy with the idea of being a disappointment all the time. But he still did try. He really did care. But now, Claire didn’t anymore and he was completely out of ideas on what he could do to save his marriage. As he was lost in these thoughts his boss burst in:
“Good morning there Rupert!”
“Good morning sir....”
“I have a gentleman in my office, he is coming here in a sec, OK?”
“OK, sir...”
More divorces he had to handle... It was pretty easy to sign some papers and walk away with a pay check in one hand. He has been doing this for a living for years now and it was that day that he realized it’s not even close to being easy. The great possibility of becoming the person on the other side was just eating him up inside. He felt something inside of him that he never felt before: empathy... With this new feeling he hasn't experienced before, he welcomed his client inside.
“Welcome! I’m Rupert Grant. Please, have a seat.”
The man that walked inside didn’t seem like a gentleman at all. His dressing and attitude, those were the things Rupert wasn’t really fond of.
“Yeah... My wife wants to divorce...”
Rupert felt awful with these words, he felt like he said them himself.
“I’m so sorry, sir... I really understand what you are going through here and we will try our best to help you through this process.”
“Yeah, about that... I don’t really care about her, I just want to save my money in my bank account.”
Rupert was shocked! Without even knowing it he spilled these words out of his mouth:
“How can you say that?! She is your wife, she does everything for you, how can you let it go like that??! Money isn’t everything!!! Is that all you care about??!”
The client was pretty surprised with this unexpected attack... But he still seemed indifferent.
“Yeah, who cares?? I can always get me a new one that will cook, clean and stuff if I have my money!! So, you going to help me or what?”
Rupert became even angrier with this reply!
“NO!!!!”
Now, the client was shocked!
“What??! What the hell is your problem, dude?! If you’re not gonna help me out I’ll take my business elsewhere...!”
“FINE!”
Rupert was completely out of control! When he finally calmed down the client was long gone and half of the firm was looking strangely towards inside of his office, to him. Then his boss came in.
“What was that? I hope you have a good explanation for it...”
“I...”
“What?”
He couldn’t find anything to say! He was just standing there looking on the floor thinking of his beloved wife. He didn’t even care about what could have happened there if wrong words would come out of his mouth. But nothing did, he was just standing there like that. Then suddenly his eyes sparkled! He looked at inside of his boss’ eyes with a great confidence, one he didn’t have for a long time, and finished his sentence:
“...have to go!”
Then without even having waiting for a reaction from his boss, he just hurled himself out towards the door. Went straight to his car and drove straight to home! He wanted to give his wife an inspirational speech about him and his love for her. With the great hope of changing her mind about them, he went right inside of his house and started looking for her. But she was nowhere to be seen! After looking in every room in the house he went to the bedroom and only then realized the blue piece of paper standing right on the night stand. With curiosity and fear all curled up together, he started to read it. As he was reading that little piece of paper; with every line he read from of there, the light in his eyes was fading away a bit more. As he finished reading it, the light inside of his eyes was completely gone. Because she was long gone; as he was sitting there in his office trying to convince her to stay, she was already on her way to somewhere far away, leaving no trace behind, even a clue of her destination. He never thought it would end this way. He was just sitting there on the bed, looking at the goodbye letter Claire had written to him. It was the last sentence that truly killed him. “Don’t come looking for me, I don’t want to ever see you again.”
“Wow...”, he said. After sitting there for hours with nothing left inside of him, he went downstairs to the kitchen. So, when the day died that day, so did he... Right at that moment Claire felt as if a part of her was vanished away. A tear fell off from her eye and straight on the picture of their wedding day just on the seat next to hers inside her car, right on Rupert’s face, leaving that part of the picture all erased. She didn’t like that feeling but now she knew that she could never take it back. “I’m going to bed”, these words were the last words he said to her. She became aware of the situation. With tears and a sad smile on her face, she replied to her husband:
“Have a blissful sleep...”
____________________________________
I'm proud to present my very first written story ever! At least the first finished one, haha! I want to thank both PitJ and Ryan very much for encouraging me to writing a story, couldn't have done it without you fellas! And thanks to you for coming back to my site regularly! Hope you guys enjoy it!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
THIS WAY
It feels good to be here today
Bad moments seem to be faded away
And things are going really OK
I hope it lasts this way
Today feels a lot more different
I felt I was actually efficient
The simplest thing makes my day
I hope it lasts this way
Bad moments seem to be faded away
And things are going really OK
I hope it lasts this way
Today feels a lot more different
I felt I was actually efficient
The simplest thing makes my day
I hope it lasts this way
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
WHO I REALLY AM
In the middle of being me and someone else
I myself don't really care but nevertheless
It's hard to be misunderstood by everyone around me
Though the person I reflect is almost like me
But never entirely who I really am
Behind all of the smiling and joy I show
There is a miserable washed up little girl
I won't show, because I'll get all the pity
Don't want attention of people feeling sorry for me
That's why I hide who I really am
When someone who really gets me comes along
Then I'll let out who I really am
I myself don't really care but nevertheless
It's hard to be misunderstood by everyone around me
Though the person I reflect is almost like me
But never entirely who I really am
Behind all of the smiling and joy I show
There is a miserable washed up little girl
I won't show, because I'll get all the pity
Don't want attention of people feeling sorry for me
That's why I hide who I really am
When someone who really gets me comes along
Then I'll let out who I really am
Sunday, November 4, 2007
YOU
You're the sun in my sky
Always keeping me warm inside
You're the repeating song in my head
That won't ever come to an end
You're the light at the end of the tunnel
That relieves me, makes me feel better
You're everything that I am
You... I am nothing without you...
Always keeping me warm inside
You're the repeating song in my head
That won't ever come to an end
You're the light at the end of the tunnel
That relieves me, makes me feel better
You're everything that I am
You... I am nothing without you...
NO REASON TO BE
Sometimes it's hard to be sure
Is it the wrong path I'm following?
Or does it take a bit more waiting?
Either way, I don't like where this is going
I've lost track of all of the bliss in life
Even getting up in the morning is a torture
What happened to my joy feels like murder
Will it be OK, I can't help but wonder
Feels like I'm missing out on life
Or is this how it's supposed to be?
Life taking as much as it can from me
Left with nothing to show, no reason to be...
Is it the wrong path I'm following?
Or does it take a bit more waiting?
Either way, I don't like where this is going
I've lost track of all of the bliss in life
Even getting up in the morning is a torture
What happened to my joy feels like murder
Will it be OK, I can't help but wonder
Feels like I'm missing out on life
Or is this how it's supposed to be?
Life taking as much as it can from me
Left with nothing to show, no reason to be...
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